The Makings of Me
Written by Cerlyn Cantave| International Women’s Day
A few years ago, over brunch, a girlfriend of mine asked me a rather compelling question: “Which part of yourself do you most identify with: being a woman, being Black or being Haitian?” I rolled my eyes, annoyed. After months of not hanging out due to our busy lives, I really just wanted to trade war stories from the dating front (it’s rough out there, folks) and not spend any time dissecting who I am. That’s what my very opiniated mother is for.
I shrugged my shoulders and said something to the effect of our mimosas being way too strong because my friend normally wasn’t this ‘deep’. However, later on, I thought about it: of all the things that make me who I am, which part really captures my essence? What or who am I at my core? And I decided that I was basically, mostly…
Not sure.
I realized that I didn’t consciously move in the world thinking I was more of one thing than another, but rather, I was just my own unique brand of me: a sum of all my parts. What or who am I, ‘mainly’, depends on how people interact with me at any given time.
For example, when my mother force feeds me her delicious Haitian cuisine while complaining loudly in Haitian Creole I haven’t brought anyone home for her to meet, I’m a (not quite) dutiful Haitian daughter. When the news highlights ‘firsts’ for women such as Maura Healey (first woman governor of Massachusetts) and Andrea Campbell (first Black woman attorney general), or when I’m at work meetings surrounded by smart, driven, funny and diverse women, I’m full of awe and admiration for what women and people of color have accomplished despite intentional roadblocks put in our way.
If I had to choose one aspect of myself to definitively describe who I am, I couldn’t. My gender, race, and ethnicity—and how they are perceived and reacted to by those around me, alone or in combination—have all played an integral role in shaping me into, well, me.
And even when those attributes are viewed as undesirable, unwelcomed, or unvaluable by those who seek to diminish my humanity and worth, they are a personal source of joy, pride, and strength.
And how could they not be? A hundred years ago, I would very likely not have the career I have, the home I have, the very life I have, because of who I am and what I look like. But those who came before me fought and persevered so that I could be where I am today—and I’m deeply humbled and grateful.
So, as we celebrate International Women's Day, let’s acknowledge the fullness of every woman’s identity and experience, her remarkable uniqueness, and what that brings to her life and to the lives of others.