Original Medium Post HERE

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Building a lifetime of connection in community third places

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Intergenerational connection: East Boston Social Centers Active Adults collaborate with our Sprouts preschoolers on a Valentine’s Day art project.

Recently, a friend whose daughter is finishing college asked one of our Parent Partners if we might have any job opportunities at East Boston Social Centers. Our Parent Partner offered to make a connection to look into that.

Then her friend jokingly asked, “Can they find a husband for my daughter?”

Although the Social Centers doesn’t offer a formal matchmaking service, a surprising number of future spouses have met working together or attending programs together here. The Social Centers has hosted weddings too.

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The Social Centers isn’t just a romantic matchmaker. Deep, lifelong friendships and family connections that span generations form here. Third places like East Boston Social Centers, where people connect across generations in a shared space, can play that role — helping respond to our crisis of loneliness and disconnection.

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The disconnection crisis and the decline in religious affiliation

Our Marketing and Communications Coordinator Carolina recently interviewed Professor Rick Weissbourd[1] about disturbing negative trends in mental health and wellbeing among Gen Z’ers.

Among several drivers of the trend Prof. Weissbourd discussed was the decline in affiliation with communities of faith. Historically, faith communities have provided many benefits:

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“There are communities of adults who stand for important values. There are rituals of gratitude that provide meaning. There are structures for dealing with grief and loss that can provide meaning for people. There’s a sense that you’re a part of a larger humanity, and often that you have a purpose and meaning on this earth that’s religiously ordained. . ..”

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Membership in faith communities is important to many families, including my own. At the same time, as we face this mental health crisis, Prof. Weissbourd’s research points to the question: how can communities deliver some of those benefits outside of faith communities?

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This week’s post focuses on the aspect of building relationships in community third places. Next week will focus on creating purpose.

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Creating community and relationships

Helen Russell’s The Year of Living Danishly highlights what happens in some Danish third places. In Danish clubs, adults from across backgrounds regularly gather around identified shared interests — for example, swimming, sewing, playing cards, being a Star Trek fan. The government funds these clubs, recognizing their importance.

Perhaps you work in a third place. As a high schooler, I worked in my father’s West Medford, MA pharmacy. I saw children and older adults from a range of racial and ethnic backgrounds talking about their families and their Sunday plans while waiting to buy the newspapers I assembled. Shore Pharmacy was part of the community infrastructure in that tight-knit, diverse community.

One of the benefits from church membership is the regularity of contact with community members; in third places like clubs — or the store selling the Sunday paper, people also can experience some of that repeat interaction that fosters friendships.

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Intergenerational third places

Shore Pharmacy and some Danish clubs are intergenerational third places. East Boston Social Centers is one too. We provide a home for individuals and families at any life stage, from Welcome Baby Visits through our Active Adults (older adults) program. Our programs often bring people together across generations too; Active Adults and preschoolers make art projects together; Thriving Teens work with our Early Learners.

The work and discomfort of finding a new place to connect with others can be a barrier to relationship building, particularly when people have the alternative[2] of retreating into phones. However, like churches, intergenerational third places can build connections for a lifetime and reduce those barriers, strengthen connections, and catalyze community — because they ensure people always have a place to return home.

As an important bonus, a body of evidence demonstrates the positive impact of intergenerational connection — for older and younger generations alike.[3]

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Being the solution we need, together

Organizations and business that reach people across generations; support deep, meaningful connections and community; and help people pursue shared purpose — play an important role in increasing joy and wellbeing. We are grateful to have many such organizations, businesses and churches in East Boston — helping to weave a strong community fabric.

Third places can identify ways to intentionally increase our impact — and to strengthen intergenerational connections. Third places also can collaborate to identify and fill gaps so everyone has an opportunity for connection and purpose. As just two examples, East Boston’s police station hosted the Social Centers Active Adults when we didn’t have available space onsite; and churches can partner with organizations to connect new parents with supports.

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Philanthropic and government investments in these community infrastructures can play an important role in our response to the emerging mental health crisis, helping people thrive instead of reaching crisis, at a much lower cost per person.

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Community design can intentionally incorporate potential vibrant third places.

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Individuals can join or support these third places; we can donate, volunteer in person, or sit down for a donut and a cup of coffee (or tea) and talk with a neighbor.

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Together, we can build a more joyful, connected future — right in our communities.

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Stay joyful, East Boston.